Tuesday, October 19, 2010

A History of Me Part 3 (I promise to wrap it up here!)

Over the past 2 months, my recipient family & I have exchanged countless emails. We have continued strengthening our bond, and building what has undeniably become a true friendship. My fiance and I discussed how wonderful it would be to be meet these amazing people in person, and so we made the suggestion to see how it might be received. I am thrilled to say it was welcomed with open arms (as I dreamed it would be!) and we began making travel arrangements!

And so it was that several weeks ago my fiance, our daughter, & I made our way out west to meet our recipient family. I had numerous people inquire as to the potential awkwardness of this situation, and I can honestly say that was never the case (at least for us!). We embraced the moment we saw one another and spent the entire day together as you would with your oldest and dearest friends. We were given a "mini tour" of their city, treated to several yummy meals (including a most delicious margarita!), but most importantly, had time to talk and get to know one another better. They could not have been more kind, hospitable, and generous, even going so far as to give our daughter a precious stuffed toy and myself a beautiful painting by a local artist. I presented her with a charm I'd worn throughout my IVF cycle, in the hopes it might bring her the same luck and blessings. That visit, short though it was, will always remain a cherished memory.

I must admit one of the most difficult aspects of this process thus far has been deciding where to "draw the line", so to speak. What I mean by that is even though we've agreed to keep this an open arrangement, I very much want to give this couple the respect and privacy they deserve, while still remaining open to anything they feel comfortable sharing. Our legal contract stipulates that we be made aware of any resulting pregnancies, birth information, health issues with the potential child(ren), and have at least several annual updates. I have no concerns whatsoever of this becoming an issue. But it is so important to me to not become too overbearing or intrusive, while still hoping to remain "involved".

As of this month, our recipient mom has begun the birth control pill stage of her cycle (still find that so incredibly ironic!) and we are beside ourselves with anticipation and excitement! In another interesting turn of events, we recently learned they will be coming here for their transfer! Apparently our clinic has much higher success rates with both the thawing of the embryos as well as the transfer success rate itself. The procedure has been slated for early December.

We feel so incredibly blessed to have been led to this couple, and have absolutely no doubt that this union was destined to be. Just as I hear many infertile women speak to the injustice of some incredibly unfit, undeserving women being able to easily conceive and bear children, I too find it beyond comprehension that so many beautiful, loving, compassionate women are denied the role of mother. One look in this woman's eyes, and I no longer saw a stranger I'd met online, but the mother of these future children.

Further affirmation that God is most certainly good.


  1. Shelly, love reading your story! I am the mom of an energetic almost 11 month old via an open embryo donation. My donor found me through my blog as well. Amazing how these online connections can create miracle babies.

  2. Definitely meant to be, like a sweet love story. Best of luck to you all!

  3. I loved reading your story! (I found you through Jess)
    As a mother to 4 currently, I cannot imagine what the genetic parents go through emotionally. We are willing to be as open as our family desires. I look forward to following you.