Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Updates and Downdates

I hate that I've been MIA for so long, but between five kids, the impending holiday season, and school work~~well~~need I say more?

Everyone in my house is doing extremely well, I'm happy to report. We're all healthy and staying very busy making our Xmas lists (little people) and to-do lists (big people). There's also a daily run for the mailbox as we await college acceptance letters for A. (Fingers crossed!) Lil Miss has started sprouting teeth (Ouch!) and hair (Finally...now maybe people will stop telling me how cute HE is!). Still holding tight at my job for the time being, and thanks to the overwhelming love and support of my otherworldly fiance (more on him in another post), we've determined what will be, will be and we'll deal with it when and if the time comes. Oh how I love this man.

I'm sorry to say Maria is still having issues. Maria is my best friend to whom I devoted my "I Knew You Were Waiting" post several weeks back. She's now (I believe) 29 weeks and still showing signs of impending preterm labor. I went over and picked up her two older kiddos for the day this past Saturday and we had a blast. I was also thrilled to learn this allowed her to nap while her hubby attended to their very busy 1 year old. I think about her and worry about her every single hour of every single day. I pray that God keeps that little princess safe inside for at least another 4-6 weeks.

I'm also ecstatic to report that everything is on track with our recipient family. I always pause as I prepare to mention them because I'm not sure what the correct term should be. I certainly hope "recipient family" doesn't come across as cold  or unfeeling as the complete opposite is actually true. Any ideas or suggestions? Perhaps there's a much better term that's already been coined that this newbie just hasn't heard of yet?

Anyway, our hopeful Mama-to-be has been on her meds for several weeks now, and is unfortunately feeling the hormonal/emotional side effects that seem to go hand-in-hand. The next phase of testing (including ultrasound) is scheduled for the day before Thanksgiving which will determine if we're still "all systems go" for the first week in December. There are moments when I feel as anxious for her as if I was going through it all over again myself. Along with the excitement and anxiety, I must admit that I'm also feeling a range of other emotions.

These feelings are very difficult to come to terms with.  Make no mistake about that. I feel as though I can't emphasize enough my confidence in this decision and our love for this family. And in absolutely no way do I want to equate my emotional investment to what they must be experiencing at this time. But in the interest of full disclosure, I am also terrified. Terrified of hearing that one (or more) of their Snowbabies didn't make it through the thaw. I will mourn those embies tremendously, and for some reason I feel guilty admitting that. I know I will also experience heartfelt emotions regardless of the outcome of the transfer. And I feel guilty about that as well. Because my emotions will not be restricted to sharing their overwhelming joy if she is in fact pregnant, or their grief and disappointment if the first attempt is unsuccessful, but also acknowledging my own feelings about the results.

And so I wait. And pray. And hope.

Hope for the miracle that I know is waiting for them.

    "Somewhere...over the rainbow..skies are blue. And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.."

    1 comment:

    1. We just call ourselves the "adopting family." Another fun term "Snow sister." Since the embryos are frozen and each one is unique, they are like snowflakes. Your adopting family is your "snow family." She is your snow sister (in the sisterhood of mothers), she is also the Snow Mama, and her hubby is the Snow Daddy. To your children, their children will be siblings of course, but they are also your snow family. This is how I wrap my brain around it all, you can certainly decide what works best.

      Thanks for your honesty. You are really helping me understand my snow family's perspective.